i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize