he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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