3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
