I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
