Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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