On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
