you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
