How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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