apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
