i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
