The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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