whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
