I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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