sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
