I'm going to jail i love you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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