Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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