Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
