what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
