i love accidental penises.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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