I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
