if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize