Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
