i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
