woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
