"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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