I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
