you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
