I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
