so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
