hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
