she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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