Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
