my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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