Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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