dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
