i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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