So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
