got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
