Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
