Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
