I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
