Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
