I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
