Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
