Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
