Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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