I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
