Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
