Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In other news, I just burned my penis
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
