did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
