I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
