I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
