Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
