exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
