I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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