I could have mohawked her pubes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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