Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I could fuck to npr.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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