I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize