What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
