He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
