Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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