Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
