Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
