What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
