I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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