I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
