He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
