Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
