last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
