i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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