His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
