Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
