well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
