Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
