I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Randomize
