he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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