my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
