:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
