If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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